What It Really Means to Change When Christ Calls Us
Author: ettie.v
Author Location: Germiston, South Africa
“Come, follow me,” Jesus said, “and I will send you out to fish for people.” — Matthew 4:19
The Weight of That Phrase: “You Have to Change”
When Christ calls us, we have to change. I believe that with my whole heart, but this statement does need context.
Over the years, I’ve been told — sometimes gently, often not — that following Jesus means I must stop being gay. That my faith is only valid if I deny my sexual orientation, bury it under forced celibacy, or worse, attempt to become someone I’m not. The reasoning is always the same: “You can’t be gay and be a Christian. When following Christ, you have to change.”
These words don’t just wound. They leave a trail of spiritual confusion, heartbreak, and rejection.
I remember working in the church, doing ministry in countries around the world, desperately trying to fit into a mold that denied the fullness of who I am. I wasn’t less gay then than I am now. I was just more hidden. More afraid.
What Change Actually Looks Like in Christ
Jesus keeps calling us.
Not to a false version of ourselves. Not to erasure. But to transformation — the real kind. The kind that goes deeper than identity. The kind that touches the heart.
Because yes, when Christ calls us, we have to change. We’re called to grow. To become more loving, more just, more honest. To bear fruit—love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22–23).
We are called to surrender our selfishness, not our souls. To give up sin, not the truth of our God-given identities.
When I came out as gay, many assumed it meant I turned my back on Jesus and stopped following Him. But in truth, it truly feels like it was Jesus who led me out of the closet. Out of shame. Into freedom and light.
The change Jesus invites us into is not about conforming to cultural expectations — whether those of religious legalism or secular performance. It’s about becoming more like Him.
And Jesus never asked anyone to pretend. He invited people to be real. To repent, not from their humanity, but from the ways they hurt themselves and others. To be healed, not from their identity, but from fear and pride and hate.
When the woman caught in adultery was dragged to Jesus, he didn’t shame her. He defended her. He didn’t say her past didn’t matter — but he also didn’t reduce her to it. He loved her into a new future. “Neither do I condemn you,” he said. “Go and sin no more.” (John 8:11)
There is a difference between being challenged and being erased. And too often, what people demand of LGBTQ+ Christians isn’t Christ-like change — it’s disappearance. They want us celibate, silent, or gone. But Christ never erased anyone. He called the marginalized, the excluded, the rejected. He said, “Follow me,” not “Fix yourself first.”
So yes, when Christ calls us, we change.
We grow in grace. In truth. In courage.
We learn to love ourselves as He does. We begin to extend that same love to others.
We learn that holiness is not heterosexuality. It’s wholeness. It’s the lifelong journey of becoming rooted in the love of God, shaped by Christ’s compassion, and empowered by the Spirit.
I am still changing. I hope I always will be.
But being gay isn’t the part of me Jesus came to fix. It’s through that very part of me — through my love, my longing, my relationships — that I have come to know Him some aspects of Him more deeply.
If you are LGBTQ+ and Christian, you’re not alone. If people are telling you that Christ’s call means you must become someone else — you’re not crazy to question that. Jesus didn’t call you to be straight. He called you to be faithful.
He called you to be loved. To love. To change — not who you are, but how you love. And that’s a holy change worth embracing.
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